yesterday was hell but today I'm fine without you... [09 Oct 2008|11:20am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | HIM - Heaven Tonight ] hmm lets see..where to start... well Josh was supposed to come out last weekend.. like Friday night/Sat...obviously he didnt but it wasnt like a major plan or anything so i wasnt really too bummed about it, talked to him monday and he totalled his car he sounded pretty bummmed about it.. so whatev... ive been thinking alot, like...ALOT about this whole situation... okay so ive been miserable...pretty miserable since ive been home... mostly because the two guys i have tried dating since ive been home turned out to be jack asses.... so anywho... I think part of me started talking to Josh again after things with new Josh fell out just because.. i knew he was going back to his ex so i figured if he can work stuff out with his ex... i might as well try... thinking about it now, i think of josh more of as a saftey net... like i still knew he was there and so on... but the more and more things werent working the more ive been breaking down...so this was almost the last straw.. i can only take getting shot down so much before i just cant do it anymore... earlier this week i started talking to a boy.. a new boy. since talking to him, ive been..happy... well more happy than ive been in a while, just because i love talking to him, we dont necessarily have alot in common but we understand each others views and opinions so well, and he makes me laugh vice versa, and hes TOTALLY cute :D haha. hes like a breath of fresh air, he's like interested in everything i talk about which is so awesome, its just... really nice hah. so were meeting on saturday and im pretty nervous hehe, but excited at the same time, i cant wait. i cant help but have josh in the back of my head, only because for the longest time hes the one i thought i would be with, so being in between right now im confused as all hell lol but im trying not to think too far ahead.. thats what always gets me freaked out.. like since me and him have been talking ive been forgetting to call Josh lol. so when i do call him he's like... you didnt call me... but part of me doesnt care.. i mean if he realizes the fact that i didnt call why cant he call me?? idk.. i guess this guy is making me realize that maybe there are other people out there..and i can move on from all of this... i mean.. this whole me and josh thing has just been so emotionally draining on me... but i feel like if i stop talking to him im like..blowing him off.. but i mean.. if im trying to move on..whats the point in talking to him anymore...aside from wanting to be friends and stuff... idk... ive been thinking about it alot, asking advice from pretty much anyone willing to listen lol. ive let josh pretty much control my love life since ive moved back home... i just remember when Kyle said that if Josh came back he understood if i wanted to go back to him... i didnt want him to feel like i was just filling a void until things worked out with us...maybe they never will... maybe me moving back home was a big sign that i just missed that it was over... we had our chance... it was a good one but it just wasnt meant to be forever... bleh... long annoying post for carlee.. hah. me out! post comment

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